[I apologize in advance if these next few months turn out to be a blog of my pregnancy as revealed through the tarot deck, but we pregnant woman seem to be preoccupied with our own pregnancies.]

Artist: Rudolph Pointner

The interpretive book for this deck (a little white booklet commonly called the LWB) says very little about the individual cards, especially the minors. It has a something to say on cups in general, tho:

“When we have treated the Swords as a symbol of masculinity, it suggests itself to consider the cups decidedly as of a feminine character. The cup, the jug or the goblet are seen as receptacles, for receiving and holding. Often are they associated with feeling and emotion. The emptying of the two jugs on card No. XVII of the major Arcana [The Stars] means nothing else but the detachment from all sentimental bonds. // The cup as it contains fluids logically is matched with the element of water, and its celestial region is the north. // From the religious viewpoint the cup is often identified with the symbolic goblet held by Christ, or with the Holy Grail, the vessel containing Christ’s blood.”

Under divinatory meanings, this LWB says of this card upright, simply, “respect gained.” Reversed, “Unpopularity.” I am reading upright. I generally read the 5 of Cups as a period of change, where one need take special care to pay attention not only to the negative qualities, as can be easy, but to the positive aspects of the situation. Paying attention to the positive aspects during difficult time of change gains respect.

The greatest change going on in my life is that I am busy gestating. I put this off for so long (I’m 38!) because before, I could only focus on the negative aspects of having a child. There was a lot I wanted to do. I worked as little as clash royale cheats no survey possible and kept my bills low.

I traveled around Central America. I spent a year bicycling around the country. I traveled to the high arctic. I swam for hours on end out in the open ocean. I did things to see what it was like to do them and went to extremes. I played. And the beauties that I saw were incomparable.

At age 28 I decided I needed a profession. I learned to climb trees and became an excellent arborist: a good game. Still, I lived simply, somewhat selfishly, and generally alone.

Eventually I realized I needed to practice commitment. At age 36 I “bought” a house. [I will actually own the house at age 66.] A year later, I decided to fall in love and found a suitable candidate. A year later he moved in and I came down with sudden-onset-baby-desire syndrome. I realized, in the most honest sense of the word, I had nothing better to do. Having a child was the best thing. I have left behind the things I used to think were better.

I am surprised to gain respect from my friends who have children. My women-friends are wonderful mothers. I’ve always looked at them and their devotion to their children and thought, “I could never do that.” Now I am ready to try.

Female-self as vessel. Womanly respect gained.

Ever-child self and endless child-wonders left behind. Embody motherhood.