Why did the turkey cross the border?

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2020

Preparation of the stuffing: the slicing of the loaves.





There are no photos to prove the tale, but I will tell it to you anyhow. The second turkey, wrapped in insulative material, made it to the US port of entry at the Thousand Islands Crossing late on the evening of December 18, 2020. Arriving at the closed border after a week of isolation to limit the spread of COVID 19, we were asked the usual questions. It was then that I declared the turkey.


“Is it of Canadian origin?” asked the man.

“Yes,” I replied, tho I had not ever procured a passport for the turkey.

“Like, a Walmart turkey?” asked the man.

I thought about it. Yes, a broad-breasted white turkey raised in my back yard had many things in common with a Walmart turkey. Therefore, it was like a Walmart turkey.

“Yes,” I said, honestly.

“Well, I’ll need to inspect it to be sure it has a ‘Canada’ stamp. I need to be sure it’s of Canadian origin.”

I wondered why I hadn’t thought of writing “Canada” on the turkey. It would have been a simple thing.

“There is no ‘Canada’ stamp on the turkey,” I replied.

“Well, then, I’ll have to confiscate the turkey,” said the man. “If there is no stamp, there is no way to be sure that it is a Canadian turkey.”

My eyes blurred. “Can you give it to someone who needs a Christmas dinner?” I asked.

“All items confiscated at the border are disposed of immediately,” he replied.


In my mind I remembered the bright day when we took the turkeys for a walk in the field behind the house. They were big by then, and they had a hard time holding up their breasts. I am certain they enjoyed the bugs, but I felt for them, their weak hearts beating furiously in their chests. They rested frequently. After walking the length of three back yards, they were exhausted. The children and I returned home followed by two brilliant, comical white birds in a field of flowers and green. Despite the fact that the ultimate journey of the birds was toward dinner, we really, truly loved them.


“Well,” I said. “I am certain it is a Canadian turkey. Would you like me to tell you how I know it is a Canadian turkey?”

“Yes,” said the man. “I’m sure you know. Why don’t you tell me how you are so certain it is a Canadian turkey.”

“Well,” I said, not really crying, “we had two turkeys in our back yard all summer. One was for Thanksgiving, the other for Christmas. This Christmas turkey grew up in our back yard.”

“I’ll have to take your turkey,” said the man. “I’m just following the law. If you want to plead your case, you can go inside.”

“I’ll go inside,” I said, and followed his directions to the proper door.


After a good amount of waiting with one extremely tired, whiny child and one extremely anxious, crying child, someone finally came to speak to me.

“So, tell me about the turkey,” he said.

“Well,” I began, “We raised two turkeys in our back yard over the summerβ€””

“What condition is the turkey in?” he interrupted.

“I killed it and plucked it and gutted it and put it in the freezer back in October,” I replied.

“It’s a frozen turkey?” asked the man.

“Yes,” I said, “It’s a frozen turkey.”

The man turned around to his co-workers. “Guys! It’s a frozen turkey!” He turned back to me and smiled. “Take your turkey and enjoy your stay in the US.”

As we left, I could hear him repeating to his co-workersβ€” “Frozen turkey, guys. It’s a frozen turkey. Frozen turkey…”

Aah, the border.


Weasel in the wabbit house, go weasel, go! We don’t want a weasel here, no no no!

Sunday, November 8th, 2020

A weasel got in. First ate attacked some small round bunnies. After that, it ate an entire litter of babies. When it got a large rabbit, leaving a hole at the back of the neck and leaving the rabbit intact inside the fence, we knew it was a weasel. There is no way of weasel-proofing the colony. Most of the largest buns went off to freezer camp. Tucker is now a single papa of seven small porch rabbits. Clover and one female rabbit remain down below, to be taken in to a secure location at night and let out during the day. I don’t know what we’ll do next year. We shall see what happens when the time comes.



House of the Candy Faerie

Thursday, November 5th, 2020

It was dark by the time Iris located the perfect place:

west down rue King, through the woods, across the creek where the bones were,

up the ravine, over the field, into a ditch, and under the root of a fallen tree.

Perfect. It was perfect. The lollipop lamps illuminated when we pushed them in the earth.





Previous Candy Faerie Houses:




Whatever became of Iris’s turkeys, anyhow?*

Sunday, November 1st, 2020



In the above photo,

the little girl has a look upon her face that suggests she has just learned, mid-mouthful,

that she eating a friend of hers.


In the original 46-year-old photo, below,

the expression on the face of the little girl shows that she is completely oblivious

to the fact that her mother may have just fed her the leg of one of her playmates.






*Due to a series of unfortunate events, this year’s American Thanksgiving Turkey was, instead, consumed the day after Halloween, making it a Day of the Dead Turkey.


Wednesday, October 21st, 2020

β€”of rabbits.



Grand Finale

Tuesday, June 21st, 2016


How to Feed Your Children

Thursday, June 16th, 2016

Akiva: Food!!!





Iris: Eew. I’m so messy!





Akiva: Iris, you’re funny!




Saturday, May 7th, 2016

I haven’t been taking photos lately.

I used to take a lot.

Now I’m mostly tired.

Luckily, things are mostly still the same:

Iris is still sillyβ€”




Akiva is still getting bigger at an amazing rateβ€”





And Mom still laughs until milk comes out her noseβ€”




Thank you for visiting, Mom & Dad.

I love you so much.

My Genetic Contribution

Wednesday, January 27th, 2016





Amazingly, between the tremendous size of the high-chair tray




and the gasket-like quality of the silicone bib,




practically nothing got on the floor.




Two years later: Iris takes some big bites.

Sunday, December 6th, 2015

It has been WAY too long since I have taken photos of my baby Iris eating.






See baby Iris eating here.












See slightly older baby Iris eating here.






Oh. I now have a little girl named Iris.






It has been two years since I last took a series of photos of her eating at the table!






To where has the time flown?






Tonight, Iris was showing how she can take really big bites of a big fork.






Eggs with sausage and spinach; cream-cheese and sauerkraut on the side.






Multiple refills required for the sauerkraut plate.