Ace of Sticks — Tarot of the Absurd

Thursday, April 12th, 2012

Jessica Rose Shanahan

The Events of April 5th, 2012
A Birth Story

 

My contractions began around 10am, possibly earlier. Around 11am or so I drove to a local printer. He gave me a tour of the shop. We talked about paper quality, different inks, and ways to lower the cost of printing my tarot deck. Every once in a while as we were talking, I would have a contraction. When the shop owner asked me a question I would give a delayed, thoughtful answer beginning with “Um, well, I think…” and wait until the contraction was over until actually thinking. I was there for an hour or so.

 

I went home, took a walk, called some friends, did a few loads of laundry, then called a very close friend on the phone. She’s quite wise in the ways of childbirth. After we talked on the phone for an hour or so, I finally mentioned to her that I was having contractions every five to ten minutes. I didn’t mention it was more often five than ten, and that it had been this way for a few hours. That was about 3pm or so.

 

My friend said, “That’s great!” She mentioned that, at this time of day, I might not have the baby. Possibly I’d just have contractions on and off throughout the night and I’d have the pleasure of trying to sleep through them. “But you should do something you really want to do,” she said, and listed a number of possibilities, none of which really appealed to me. I didn’t want to have to think about what I was doing.

 

“I really just want to talk on the phone with you,” I said. So we talked for a while longer— we really can talk for hours about nothing or anything at all— and at last agreed there were things we needed to do.

 

Four o’clock or so I wrote my boyfriend at work to make sure he still wanted to have a baby. I didn’t mention the contractions. Martin wrote back to say he was up for it.

 

Around five-thirty I went for a walk and met Martin as he was driving home. He pulled over and I got in a bit stiffly, in the middle of a contraction.

 

“Are you in labor?” he asked.
“Not entirely,” I replied.

 

At home, I began to pace furiously. There were a dozen things to do. The secret code for when to call the midwife is 5-1-1: contractions five minutes apart lasting for one minute for a duration of one hour. We set out to time my contractions. I don’t own a timer, so Martin found one on line. I was pacing furiously, peeing almost every contraction.

 

The contractions averaged two minutes apart or less, lasting for a minute each. We timed for forty minutes. Meanwhile, we were trying to clean the house and set up the birth tub. It is difficult to accomplish anything in minute intervals.

 

I called my doula and explained what was going on. I asked if she could come over and whether I should call the midwife. She said yes on the midwife, and that she just had to drive home, drop off her family, then drive to my house. “Okay,” I said, and we hung up. From where she was, she could take an hour. I called her right back. “Can you come right over?” I asked.

 

I called my midwife, who subjected me to what seemed like a 20-minute interview between contractions. She said she’d be over, she just had to go home and have a bite to eat.

 

By the time my doula got here— her husband dropped her off on the way home— I was no longer bothering to put my pants on between contractions. I labored backwards on the toilet and had brief bits of coherent conversation between contractions. At one point I said, “I really just want to take a shit.”

 

My doula replied, “You know, that might just be your baby.” I refused to believe the baby was that close to coming, because then I would have to admit I was having a difficult time.

 

When my midwife arrived, I reluctantly left the toilet and went to the bedroom where I shamelessly took off the rest of my clothing and my midwife did midwife-things.
“I want to go back to the bathroom,” I whined.
“You can go back to the bathroom,” said the midwife, “but this is a much nicer place to have a baby.”
I did not have the energy to say, “I’ll come back to the bedroom when I’m ready to have a baby,” and no one offered to help me up, so I stayed in the bedroom, kneeling on the bed, laboring while leaned over the birth ball for a few more minutes.

 

Iris was born at 9:15pm, three and a quarter hours after Martin picked me up on the road. She was 7 pounds, 21 inches long. She opened her eyes and lifted her head.

 

 

Iris Daphnée

Queen of Wands — Tarot of the Immagination

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

Frenec PinterArtist: Frenec Pinter

 

I wish I knew which queen this image portrays. She should be strong, confident, a bit manipulative with her amazing amount of positive energy and charisma, and determined to get what she wants. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t recognize her even if she was currently famous, let alone historically famous. Anyone less clueless than I am?

 

I did not ask a question today. I hoped the card would inspire me to write. Unfortunately, I don’t think I like the Queen of Wands right now. Not this one. I don’t like how she looks at me as if she’s better than me. I don’t like her clean-ness, her white-ness, her lace and perfect hair-ness. I prefer the New-Age Tarot’s big-foot, multi-breasted, four-armed, three-faced, double-helix-bodied Queen of Wands who dances on an Earth of arms and eyeballs. She makes me feel so normal.

 

 

 

Five of Wands — La Corte dei Tarocchi

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Artist: Anna Maria D’OnofrioAnna Maria D’Onofrio

 

The father of a nineteen-forties dollhouse family
left long languishing in my mother’s attic asks,
“Is this all there is?”—

 

Is this all there is, these separate beds
with plastic quilts draped neatly down the sides
and pillows firmer than my head?

 

The children’s toys went from popular
to out of date to vintage to antique
as the twins stood, unable to kneel,
trapped in a childhood of white lace dresses and pressed pants.

 

Our other, an infant, tied to Nanny’s apron with a thread
has neither wet nor cried through all these years.
Mother never held the stiff thing in her slender, hollow arms.

 

The toilet in the bathroom never flushed—
tho I do recall the year my daughter sat there,
skirt hiked up for all to see
as we took turns sleeping in the bathtub.

 

The living room never saw a mess of toys or spilled tea.
The piano never sang a note. The hearth never roared and
the mantle clock has told the same time
going on three-quarters of a century.

 

For one brief flash of of time
I watched my wife in the kitchen
as she cranked the wringer on the washer almost daily
and swiveled the sink handle.

 

But the basin is dry. There is no drain.
The icebox, the oven, the cupboards all are sealed.
Here we sit, legs out straight for over thirty years,
chairs pushed back from the empty table.
I wonder upon what it is that others dine
and Nanny, always standing, holds the baby.

 

La Corte dei Tarocchi answers with the Five of Wands—

 

A punctuated equilibrium of dust
rejoices in the chaos of chubby hands
three times a century.

 

One day your house’s pressboard walls will crumble
into something-that-has-never-been.
Only in that moment will you know
these days of waiting came
not because you were put aside
but because you were loved.

Two of Wands — Kitty Kahane Tarot

Thursday, March 29th, 2012

Artist: Kitty Kahane

 

I shuffled this deck thinking about a person I don’t know but whom I admire. She’s an artist; I will call her Beaux-A. I draw the two of wands, reversed. The reversed Two of Wands represents fear of the unknown and lack of planning. Ultimately, I don’t know if the card is for her or for me.

 

On one hand, Beaux-A represents qualities in myself that I wish I could express. In this light, the Two of Wands points to the fact that I have failed to express myself sufficiently due to fear of the unknown. The arts seem to me to be a profession of insecurity for the majority who rely on them as a means of support. Thus, I avoided relying on arts as a way to make a living.

 

On the other hand, Beaux-A seems to have a bit of trouble having enough money to pay the all bills. I could say for her this represents lack of planning, but as I said, I don’t know her. Just because she didn’t plan for monetary security doesn’t mean she didn’t plan. When it comes to arts, money is the only thing that can’t be planned. Monetary insecurity was exactly my fear, and thus the reason I have always supported myself by means of manual labor. Labor never payed well, but the pay was consistent*, leaving me to play around in my brain on my own time.

 

I’ll try another tactic: an intuitive reading based on the card image. A man in a bathrobe walks in front of an open window at one edge of the earth. On the other side of the planet, a volcano explodes, shooting far, far into the sky, across the earth, knocking bowler hat off the bathrobed man. Molten rock coats him from head to pocket whereupon the lava flow collides with the sun and is vaporized. The man’s top-half of the man is encased in stone, immobilized; the man’s bottom half walks around sightless. This represents the dichotomy between blind conservatism caused by following the lead of that which one sees as “set in stone” versus the aimless wandering of leaderless legs whose only ambition is to keep moving. And the artist, Beaux-A? She’s relatively safe, firmly anchored somewhere in the middle of the planet, far away from either the bathrobed man or the volcano. That’s where I am, too. We’re not so different, after all.

 

*The pay was consistent until I got pregnant then fired in rapid succession.

Ocho de Bastos — Tarot Lukumi

Sunday, March 25th, 2012

Luigi ScapiniArtist: Luigi Scapini

Author: Tata Emanuele Coltro Guidi

 

“Oya and Chango, even if they are sweethearts, always quarrel with each other. Chango, after a terrible quarrel, shows her a cut head of a goat. Oya, very bored, shows him a dead’s skull, and Chango disgusted goes away, sending many lightenings, representing his rage, to the world.”

 

“Too much force applied too quickly,” writes Robert Wang. It is like a bomb going off. People react before they think about what the other person said or did or know what the other meant. The lord of swiftness acts in haste. After an argument we have to go back and think about what we were arguing about. What went wrong? Oya and Chango do not know how to communicate properly. Perhaps it is merely because they are man and woman. Man and woman communicate differently and expect different things out of a relationship. What one sees as flattery the other sees as overbearing.

 

Every interaction between two people is a relationship to some degree. The more interactions two people or two groups of people have, the more meaningful the relationship. A meaningful relationship can be volatile— such as Oya and Chango’s, or the relationship between waring countries, or the relationship between two drivers caught in rush-hour traffic— or it can be calming. Most often, there is a mixture of the two: though a volatile couple, Oya and Chango are primarily lovers.

 

Near the beginning of any voluntary relationship, it is healthy to gravitate towards calming relationships and shy from those that make us uneasy. Too much force applied too quickly results in broken friendships or friendships that never get a chance to start. Because communication is both cultural and personal, there is no way to eliminate miscommunication. Both parties need to slow down, back off, and try to learn the other’s ways if they wish to get along.

 

I love this deck.

Queen of Wands — New Age Tarot

Saturday, March 24th, 2012
Walter WegmĂĽller

Artist: Walter WegmĂĽller

this Queen took me in

(her arms) and said—

 

I am your

ALAKAZAM!

 

let’s go

EVERYTHING

together!

 

and we did and

we did thus

completely

she leading me and we

talking all the way like

women talk

because

I needed her to be there

and she

was

Four of Wands & Two of Cups — Napo Tarot

Friday, March 16th, 2012

My younger sister was willing to pick a card, although she was not willing to ask a question. She likes this deck. I asked her what the picture made her think of. She said, “Not a thing.” I think it’s great that she specifically does like the colors and shapes of the deck but attaches no meaning to the image because it is too abstract. I have trouble liking something that I find too abstract to attach meaning to.

 

Interpretation: “Completion of work. Activity at a standstill, work unresolved. Union of equal forces.”

 

I need to make a story for everything. Sometimes, the story is particularly boring. These people are cheerleaders, shaking their pom-poms of fruit and leaves because they are happy to be done with what they set out to do.

 

I need a clarifying question, as it is obvious to me that neither my sister nor I are accomplishing what we mean to be doing. “What is the purpose of procrastination?” I ask, and draw the Two of Cups, reversed.

 

Interpretation: “Love, affection, relationship, courtship, friendship, marriage, pleasure, joy.”

 

Procrastination happens when we do not love what we are supposed do and therefore we put off the task at hand by doing something we love to do more.

 

•   •   •

 

I somewhat do not like this deck, perhaps because the Little White Book totally sucks. The introduction starts out, “Argentina is a country brimming with esoteric possibilities. Our aboriginal mythology, rich and profound, always skirts around mystery, destiny and hope.”

[…and finishes…]

“Bringing this deck of cards to the public is the satisfying result of a search for inner symbols. The Tarot cards came out of my imagination, and the drawings by Napo came as a result of the knowledge of the cycles of life. We thus immerse myth in history and find the same meanings, the same question, as in the Tarot of the Middle Ages.”

 

Unfortunately, there is nothing in the book about what the esoteric possibilities of Argentina are, little mention of mythology or explanation of the symbols she used, no talk of what came out of her imagination, no mention about how she and Napo worked together, nothing. Mystery becomes uninteresting when there are zero clues. I’m glad she found her inner symbols. I am sure others of her culture understand the symbols of this deck better than I do. But because she does not help me relate, her symbols do nothing for me. Either that or I’m just grumpy because I’m really sleepy.

Seven of Wands — Tarot Piatnik Wien

Sunday, March 11th, 2012

Rudolph PointnerArtist: Rudolph Pointner

 

Martin asked, “How will the birth go?” and pulled this card, last seen here a week ago. Suitable one-card answer for a birth, I suppose. It will be challenging. I need to persevere and not give up. At times things may seem impossible. The trick will be persistence without struggle.

 

Despite the fact that I like to think this experience will be easier than I think, I do not think it will be.

Two of Wands — Vertigo Tarot

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Dave McKeanIllustrator: Dave McKean

Author: Rachel Pollack

 

[I just read some old notes I have on this deck. It is the 1995 1st limited edition of the Vertigo tarot, in the white box. The white bag to hold the cards is missing and the card tuck-box is a little wrinkled. My mother got it for $1.00 at a book sale some years ago. She picked it up because she was feeling slightly dizzy. Also she knew I like tarot. Plus, my younger sister is a Sandman fan. A dollar!]

 

Dexter:
On one hand, the Two of Wands is about the power and energy of a focused will to achieve a goal. Such self-authority leads to progress, wise decisions, and discovery.

 

Sinister:
On the other hand, inability to focus may lead to lack of planning. Instead of letting this lead to fear of unknown, it can be used to enable one’s self to be open to change and to give up a sometimes-debilitating need for power.

 

This card contains great balance. There is a sort of symmetry in balance, but balance is far from symmetry alone, for balance is more alive than symmetry— more dynamic— more real. Symmetry remains unchanging; balance moves like fluid around obstacles. Growth is difficult when one focuses on maintaining symmetry. Balance has space to expand toward unknown horizons— to explore an un-bordered edge.

Seven of Sticks — Tarot of the Absurd

Monday, March 5th, 2012

Jessica Rose ShanahanAritist: Jessica Rose Shanahan

 

Strong stance: challenge • competition • perseverance

 

Seven of Sticks indicates a struggle after initial satisfaction. The struggle is about maintaining a position at the top while others compete for the same success and status. Competition is rife. Challenging obstacles that appear to block the path forward can be overcome with effort and clarity of purpose.

 

Those with public acclaim must expect competition and challenge. The Seven of Sticks does not win everyone over, but takes a stand to hold its ground with determination and courage. This requires self-confidence, strength and determination. There will always be opposition. This is not a card about compromise or negotiation.

 

Weak stance: giving up • overwhelmed • overly defensive

 

The reversed Seven of Sticks is overwhelmed by challenge, responsibility, and a multitude of commitments. It is at risk of falling behind and being caught unprepared.  Focus on one or two things and be confident in the ability to do them well. Constantly comparing one’s self to others or feeling one is constantly being judged and criticized is exhausting and inevitably leaves one with a sense of inadequacy.

 

Sometimes, the reversed Seven of Sticks tries to avoid conflict wherever possible, backing down too easily. In this case, being accepted and liked by others is more important than fighting for one’s beliefs. It is time to let go of struggle and move on. Of course, there is the opposite extreme, when the reversed Seven of Sticks becomes overly aggressive about protecting its turf to the detriment of personal relationships. There needs to be balance.